I'll Know What I Need To Know When I Need To Know It

It’s that time of year again. Wedding season. I’ve reached the age where most of my high school classmates are either engaged, getting married, already married, pregnant, or have had several babies. Me? I’m just sitting here drinking a ginger beer, eating orange peanuts with banana laffy taffies that nobody likes and watching Hunter x Hunter because that’s the life that I want right now. Or is it?

Before, when I saw everyone getting engaged (and I mean everyone), it started to get to me. I thought there was some club I’ve never heard that was invite only. It almost translated as peer pressure. Everyone else is getting married. Why not? I tried to avoid it, but I subconsciously spotted all the relationship statuses changing from “in a relationship” to “married”. Keep scrolling and I’d stumble upon an album titled “She Said Yes” by an aunt Gertrude who was able to take a thousand photos (because she thought she was taking a video, but instead was taking pictures because she forgot her finger was covering the shutter release on the touch screen ). I didn’t know who this Gertrude was, but we had a mutual friend, a connection, so of course it would show up in my news feed. Suddenly my cursor was hovering over the first photo. *Click* Tears. All of the tears. She’s crying, he’s bumbling, and the family surrounds them with hysterical excitement. Lord. I couldn’t keep up. I wasn’t ready.

The other day I took a drag of my ginger beer and really thought about it. Would I, could I, should I, say yes if the opportunity presented itself? Is yes the right answer? Or is no the right answer? How would I know? How could I tell? What would happen either way? What exactly am I looking for? Why do I need to aspire for marriage? I don’t feel like thinking about this right now. (Turns on Hulu to watch Catfish.)

This past weekend I had the pleasure of attending the wedding of one of my high school classmates. Beautiful ceremony and handsome couple I might add. Let me tell you a little something about the groom. I’ve known him maybe since middle school or elementary, so we’ve seen each other grow up. The man I saw standing at the altar, cheesing and tearing up at the sight of his blushing bride, as she walked down the aisle, is nowhere near the guy that I knew. If I had two words to describe him in high school, it would have been chill and quiet. If you initiated, he would talk to you, otherwise he’d keep to himself. So as I watched his face light up when the music started and the doors opened to reveal his love, it made me wonder. How did he know? When did he know? When did he become this kind of man? He’s practically floating and the only thing keeping him anchored to the ground was the weight of his huge heart. It was so full and over flowing, that the whole chapel and all the guests were swimming laps.

It was as if he blossomed.

I think that’s the best way I can describe it. I’m sure he grew into a great man all on his own, but she, his wife, must have solved his riddle of love. And this is not to be sappy or mushy. This is some serious shit, committing the rest of your life to one person.

The officiant spoke on the significance of not saying “‘Til death do us part,” about not holding on to the past, how they shouldn’t count and keep track of their partner’s mistakes, and how from this point on the two standing together will forever live one life…

Then it clicks. As I sit here in the comfort of my home, I remember that I don't need to know. You don't need to know. Life is not a contest. We plague ourselves with these yes, no, and open ended questions that no one can answer because the future is unwritten and it sort of eats away at our minds because it's in our nature. Human nature. To understand, to label, to question, to relate, to identify, to feel... And I trust that I'll know what I need to know when I need to know it.

"Things don't always occur the way we plan, or at the pace that we want. However, I think trusting in a higher power, and keeping our spirit/faith strong is the best way to deal with the challenges that are constantly being thrown our way." - Big Sister Ayette - Ascension

#Love #Weddings